before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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