so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
