I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
