I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
