Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
