K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
