i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
