Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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