she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
