this just has baby written all over it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
