Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
