Don't you send me to vm
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
