I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
