he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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