I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
