forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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