Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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