1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
