After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont even know how to be here
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
