ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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