apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
