i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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