i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I touched a dick in church today
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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