thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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