Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
