There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
