but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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