So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I could fuck to npr.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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