I wish I could teleport
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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