well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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