so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
