if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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