i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
