He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
