i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Boobs are out for the taking
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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