Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
