The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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