i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
