i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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