Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
