you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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