I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
