Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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