Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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