come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
