you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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