I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
