Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
