i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
