just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
