And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
