C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
